Why Same Sex Marriage Matters

Posted on May 18th, 2009 by iwaller

Two people spending 26 years of their lives together, torn apart by bigotry and hate in the death of one demonstrates the need to eliminate same sex discrimination in this country once and for all. (See diary posted at DailyKos below.)

In years past I was oblivious to the issue of gay marriage; it did not impact me directly and I held the idea in a distant view. Over the past few years and my Democratic activism, I have engaged in and embraced the necessity of all Americans having equal, not special, rights, EQUAL including same sex marriage.Rights DO matter! Justice DOES matter! Equality IS important! The Declaration of Independence is not for a select few Americans, determined by Religious Right terrorists or Republican hate mongers. The declaration of Independence expresses the concept that everyone, ALL Americans have certain privileges, simply by virtue of our birth in the United States: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are CREATED equal, that they are endowed by their CREATOR with certain ‘unalienable’ Rights that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness”.

“Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood. This sets the stage for further repression and violence that spread all too easily to victimize the next minority group.”

There is absolutely no correlation between the laws of this country and the myriad of rules of hundreds of various religious organizations in this country. Government and church should not be mixed or conjoined. Americans have a choice to subscribe, or not, to the multitude of religious flavors of doctrine and those religious doctrines have no place in the legal justice of government. The same sex marriage issue is a legal issue, not a religious issue. When a government turns its back on legal justice and begins to listen to religious fanatics is the day that government fails.

The ‘law’ allows atheists to marry, murderers to marry, Satanists to marry, anarchists to marry, however law abiding, taxpaying, God loving Americans born gay cannot marry nor can they enjoy the same rights and benefits of all other Americans in this country. “Whatsoever you do to the least of my people; that you do unto me”. Jesus

The right to marry is a legal state and federal right. It allows married people inheritance rights, tax benefits, hospital visitation and a host of other civil rights. These same rights should be afforded to all Americans; many who gave their lives fighting for this country’s freedom.

Today, the NY Times had a piece on same sex partners being denied access to their loved one, even though in these two cases the couples had prepared for a medical emergency, creating living wills, advanced directives and power-of-attorney documents.

Their legal documents were IGNORED. Married Americans do not have to carry a legal file full of notarized documents, but same sex people do, and many times, they are meaningless. That is wrong, that is illegal and that is why same sex marriage matters.

Slavery was once accepted as the norm in the United States, I am hoping bigotry will go the way of slavery. Discrimination is discrimination and civil are civil rights. Read below why same sex rights matter:

This diary was posted at DailyKos.

Tonight, surrounded by his family, my best friend Kenneth took his last assisted breaths in a hospital known for its “compassion and care” in the area. His family held his hands and whispered their loving goodbyes while the life slipped from his body and he went to his rest. A sudden heart attack claimed him.

But someone was conspicuously absent…

In the parking lot, Bob, his partner of 26 years, said goodbye to a photograph. It was a photograph of he and Kenneth on vacation celebrating their honeymoon 6 years ago after having been “married” in a ceremony that meant nothing more than symbolism to a society that was, at turns, benevolent about the whims of a few gay folk, yet smirking about his love for another person of the same sex. ”Have your fake ceremonies, for what they are worth, but don’t get obnoxious and ask for anything actually bordering on legal or realistic.” society told them. But Kenneth & Bob took it, because validating it to one another was really what counted. But tonight, it ended up needing to mean so much more.

Bob carried that photograph in his wallet as a reminder of his relationship and what it meant to him. Tonight, he said goodbye to a smiling face in a picture because he had no legal right to be present to say goodbye to his loved one in person. So Bob sat in the parking lot in the passenger seat of my car and wondered the fate of the man he had given his love and life to. He held the only thing at that moment Kenneth’s family could not take away from him – that photograph.

The hospital, at the behest of Kenneth’s family, had banned Bob from Kenneth’s room, or seeing him in the hospital at all. 26 years treated as though they were mere passing acquaintances or work colleagues. Simply because Kenneth’s family could never accept their son’s orientation (NOT “lifestyle” as some refer to it).

Tonight, a nurse sympathetic to Bob’s situation and in violation of the hospital policies, came to the car window and delivered the news to Bob that Kenneth was gone. And Bob said his goodbyes and wishes of love and peace to a picture. A #@(! photograph. Held to his chest as though he were holding his loved one in tears. Because that was all he had.

His partner is gone and his partner’s family took away the dignity that Bob had a right to as Kenneth’s lover, confidante, and life mate to say goodbye.

To his family:

You took away Bob’s right to say his goodbyes because of your own misguided fears, but you can never take away his love or his memories. Your son deserved to hold his partner’s hand as he went away; knowing Bob loved him and was there to see him to the other side. You heartless bastards…I hate you right now. You may laugh at our relationships and dismiss them, but your God weeps for your ignorance and cruelty.

You will never take Bob’s devotion to Ken away from him…or the smiling photograph of he and Kenneth in happy times.

Ken, tonight, we say goodbye to your photograph. But we know you understand and forgive us.

You will be missed.

If the universe is somehow good and just, and based on love instead of fear, for those who believe in a loving God, I do not think Bob was alone. The family may have been with his body, but I am pretty sure Ken’s soul was with his love, out there in the parking lot.

“Abideth ye Faith, Hope, and Charity, these three. But the greatest of these is Charity.” Corinthians 13:13